So what does success look like? 

Why are we here? Well, some folks think that success looks like, you know, a whole lot of money; a whole lot of cash and wealth. Or, it might be that fancy fancy car, or it might be popping bottles somewhere. Maybe luxury? But is it really though? Is that what we really want our children to think “making it” is? In fact, My husband and I were really trying to make sure that our children saw luxury as “Okay, that’s an option”. But, luxury is not the only thing that I’m looking to enjoy in my adulthood. With that idea, we’re trying to raise honest, wholesome, caring individuals who care for their nation. We have to depend on them -because, y’all, we’re getting older- and we have to give the world over to them. And I want to be able to trust that the seeds that I planted will be healthy and bountiful. So, in order to do that, we’ve got to make sure that seed is cared for. And sometimes there’s gonna be some pressures that come along. There are going to be some things that are not going to be so healthy and we have to go in and mitigate.

Apply Healthy Pressure

We have to make sure that there is pressure, healthy pressure applied. Now there’s pressure from all kinds of places pressure to perform to be the best, sometimes being the best will happen and sometimes it won’t happen. But the best lesson is for students to learn resilience after they failed. I’d rather my students and my children fail earlier and learn how you DON’T want to feel—-  ICKY. I don’t feel that ICKY way again. I do want them to feel the consequences of their failure because that’s when that ICKY feeling comes and then they can correct themselves and not ever feel that pressure again. But, if they never feel failure, then they feel like “oh, everything’s just gonna come to me; it’s gonna fall in my lap and I don’t have to work for it”.  That’s just not not how this thing called “life” works.

For example, parents, have you ever written your child’s paper for them? Be honest.

You know, you don’t want them to get an F, right? So, they’ve been struggling with their writing. They don’t really quite get it.  But you’re an awesome writer; so, you just write that paper for him. The student gets an “A” –  temporarily –  but when they have to do the task in front of the teacher, they can’t perform. They fall apart and they end up failing the class. Now that’s a fail; and parents, that is all your fault.

I would rather see parents understand that children have to learn that failure is not permanent. It’s something that will help them reposition themselves. Failure applies pressure, and that healthy pressure makes them resilient. We want resilient leaders in our future. And we have to start building that resilience when they are babies, not when they get to seventh and eighth grade; not when they get to high school because that is too late. Those hard character lessons could have been learned a lot easier, much earlier in their lives.

No Pressure; No Diamonds.

Do you know how diamonds are created? Compressed carbon. Diamonds – these beautiful gems – for which people pay hundreds and thousands and millions of dollars are just carbon that’s been compressed and compressed and compressed over a long time to where now once you see it, and the jeweller can cut it and make sure that it’s all nice and polished. Well, without that pressure, you wouldn’t have a diamond, so my husband and I always make sure that we applied healthy pressure. Not that, “Oh let me go fix it for you” mentality. Or the, “Let me helicopter and save the day” state of mind. No, no, no, no, students need to be able to take the pressure and learn those health lessons that build resilience.

Bottom line:

It’s healthy to fail because if a student never feel failure as a result of being stretched past a perceived limit, they lose opportunities for growth. Students who look at mistakes as opportunities to learn and grow will develop resilience. Resilient people develop into strong leaders.